DEFINE LOVE, PLEASE
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Photobucket Dinah Syaza
280193
Quirky.
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ultra.dee@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009, 12:06 AM
World Revolving.

Altered Life
no more smiles or laughter seen by people i love no more.
i wondered most of the times why.
or they turn resent towards us; me.
i have no power to change it back. only i could wish for the best.
i can only be nice and smile. like everything is going well and fine.
its hard when certain people in life expect different things from you.
and they want it to be done their way;
the truth is not everyone will end up being satisfied.
i did tried. but i failed.
and it gets even harder when they cant understand your situation and they think its another reason to get away from them.
i wondered.
im facing one of the huge examinations in my life;
and if i slack now and wondered my mind to else where, i believe i wont have another chance.
this exam determines whether im capable to upgrade to sec 5.
and i do want to go sec 5. and head poly.
so if i gradually going out now; i probably fail most subjects.
or i would pass unsatisfyingly.
sacrificing my own smile and enjoyment; for future.
i felt dissapointed and really hurt by some of my really love ones react when im not around.
read the words carefully -> THE ONLY THING I NEED TO DO IS STUDY AND GET READY FOR N's.
yes. for now; none of you is important.
ONLY NOW.
not my family even.
only STUDIES.
left 2 months to bear.
YES! two freaking months till i get to see you people.
you pillars.
why cant some people get it?
is it wrong to miss someone?
at least i say i miss you;
i mean why cant you just reply NICELY. saying i miss you.
saying mean words back like go and die,
imagine somebody replied to you that.
maybe yes; its a joke.
BUT I MISS YOU; by me its not a joke.
i really miss you pillars.
and it hurts when i believe resentment is growing between us.
i want things to go back as they were.
i hate this real bad. i do.
thats okay,
i can to do this. scrape through all these.
prelims is drawing much nearer. 9 days left.
and not to forget harry potter will be screen in theatre tomorrow.
alot of things need to get done
art: teacher is helping me alot in my prep work.
im doing my extra best.
i can start on canvas today(:
and dateline is next monday.
TAKE THAT DINAH.
tomorow is mock test for maths.
and i need to study all out today.
i dont care.
and dont forget bio quiz.
alot of test.
alot of homework.
accidently; came into my mind;
i wondered if i continue to dance or gradually going out,
i wont have time to do ALL THESE THINGS I KINDA DISLIKE as it is killing my tiny brain.
so today; i'll be staying at school till 6.30pm until next monday.
its time to concentrate and get my head back into all of this like i use to during my sec 1-2s.
it freaking stressful. i regret things. like alot of things.
i think i need a break.
like a saturday movie outing alone or stuff.
i dont know.
i need to breathe.
planning to watch harry potter.
maybe that will clear my mind from all this.
cravings for ice cream already.
DINAH: very fatty.
fatty acids + glycerol= fats.
serious.
anyhoos,
rafidah is being a great friend these days.
i laugh alot with her.
OUR LAME JOKES.
and dirty ones.
or even doesnt makes sense.
i love her alot(:
& dont forget lily;
her madness.
so they are making me smile wider each day at school.
all these smiles reminds of the smile i use to have with pillars.
haish. kept me thinking the times im with them.
all the laughter. i miss them too much.
for real:
i miss RHYFRESH.
DOUBLE DEE
ZIMAH
SASHA
SYIQ
BEE
TRISYA
WAWA
HETTY
yes; them
even they do not feel the same way too.
take care loved earthlings.
i will try to bring myself up on two feet again; even i keep falling.
-with love D.banks.

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