DEFINE LOVE, PLEASE
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Photobucket Dinah Syaza
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Quirky.
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ultra.dee@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 8:33 AM

CLIMBING
eventhough i thought sometime;
my life aint fair.
i think again.
Others may suffers even more.
im just nothing important.
So why people or anyone should bother.
i know so.
even with tiny drops of sympathy they tried to show;
"ive gone through what you going through now"
it doesnt seem real.
they tend to feel theirs is more tragic.
well;
everything is tragic.
& expect us to listen to theirs.
and force us to make their life better.
what about us here?
what about me?
so with this;
i end my conclusion;
i shall stop revealing whats bothering in my mind and heart to those people.
its hurtful to know when you thought the person you shared everything with, talks behind your back.
saying what bullshit & crap all the things i say.
saying this & that.
When your intention sharing with them was to let everything go;
& feel relived and you can smile again
you shared with them cause you trust them.
Trust & love them.
You think that you can rely on them.
But its all been crush;
into tiny dust.
being blown by wind.
period.

SUMMARIZE:
i keep things to myself now.

Today,1 April 2009, april fools.
i spent my day at home. i didnt go school apparently so i had awful migraine. Migraine that keep me away from thinking. It was so bad i cannot even sleep well. Every minute i heard boom boom sound. I got problems with my brain? NO please NO! i do not want. i need brain to do things. I am afraid that this migraine leads to other sickness. No please. Or my stress cause this shitty migraine. It is painful. But the Migraine reduce after a really deep sleep.
I woke up and sleep again. i slept the whole day okay?! but i dream alot of things too. the dream is a sudden stop.
A sudden stop to my heart. Is it a sign from god? Cause i dreamt the same person over and over again. It was like. When the past i wish to dream about it; it never being dreamt. So it was a lovely dream i say. to feel that way maybe. Amazing. cause i know the feeling will never come true. period. or should i say the dream might never come true. hence; i will not think or elaborate it any longer. I studied my biology test for tomorrow. I planned to pass with Extraodinary colours. But couldnt simply memorize about the reproduction of plants. I had major migraine. & i was thinking of other things too much. Or is it because of the television nearby me. Lol. Anywhos. I majorly in love with wholemeal bread & Low-Fat Chocolate milk. And for your info, i eat less today. I do not have appetite. so its a good thing. Then the funny thing is i did crunches while i had my migraines. It hurts badly but who cares. i did 50. so abs abs and away. Slim2 and away. like wano called me; Dee=F2+BO2. figure that out. alot of equations. Chem.Geek = wanrotnai the future rockstar-_- *pretend you never read it. so goes on. my handphone is giving me problems again and again. new handphone daddy? Dream on. i pranked fidd the hitler. She believed and stuff. then when i told her that it was april fools. she said oh okay. Sial no reaction. haha. rough day maybe. anyway again; today was suppose to be dance prac day. but sasha was up for somewhere or something. which led syiq & me sadness cause we crave dancing. ignore that. So the whole day my mum entertain my paranoid-ness. in everything. Paranoid of fatness. Paranoid of my hair. Paranoid of My sickness. PARANOID. so i am thinking again whether i want to cut bangs. but in my heart or should i say guts; i wanna take risk and cut bangs. i hope my bangs falls rightly under my eyebrow. & most probably rebon my hair. My mum say rebon is much more easier to take care off. cause i ever perm my hair when i was primary 2. hahaha. but i forget the whole process of it. So wano and reza i wont be looking like vanessa or taylor swift if i rebon.Muahahas. i want to be myself. with this is one step to changing. but when will i do it? when i save up enough money & my hair grew abit longer. so work hard dinah for it. My younger sis; also wanna join along. so she ask me to work hard for her to. i try lah. just to be a sweet sister. amaciam adik; jadi tak? lol.
Conclusion: Migraine migraine go away, far far away!.
&climbing to a better self.
look up for me ahead people!

2 April 09
12:17am
Currently; tuning in to I miss you-miley cyrus
mood: numb.

p/s: sorry lily for leaving you alone at class.
& thanks to all who make me smile again.
deedee poetry moments:
what if i say that i thought you were the one;
who is worth waiting for.
i thought you were the sun,
who i always adore,

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