Just for your entertainment.

All that
drowning slowly. every part of my life is destroying bit by bit. i didnt know.
maybe because i didnt realize it from start and prevent it.
im trying my best more now. it is so difficult. all i can do is pretend. pretend everything is fine.
Im sorry mummy i wish i could do something. im sorry best friends; i wish i know what could heal us back.
im sorry; myself; im too stress in everything now.
everything seems like tumbling upon me. its my fault.
i told you before. my life is filled with regrets that i wish to erase all of it.
life is so quiet now. i am quiet. tantrum upon myself.
late at night; i tried my best to sleep early. so that i could never think of my problems.
i will be in peace in my sleep. instead i cant sleep at all. i sat at the nearby window. looking at stars. so many stars accompany me late at night. yes. i does. i wish i wish i prayed. for things would be better.
migraine is even more worst. i feel like smacking my goddamn head at the wall.
wondering why i had this sickness back. no i dont even have confidence to face anything like i use to.
I dont have the courage no more. im not myself lately; even mummy said so. im trying to regain myself back. i promise. insomnia. i eat pills; panadols still i cant sleep. still have my migraine. i try thinking of people i love still i cant. putting your pic beside me. still i cant instead i cry. why? i dont know. i just want peace and move away from everything now.

Every time I found the words to say
What I thought would make things okay I kept it all inside S
lowly drowning in my pride I never could admit my own mistakes
Some how I thought things would fall into place
And I made a change too late
Here, past all the lights
Where everything's clear
Nothing seems to change How I love you
and now You're gonna leave
I'm just slowly dying here
inside Trying to let go
Maybe I just thought I had you here
I thought that you would not go anywhere
I abused my position and I didn't care
And now that you no longer turn to me
And it seems that you got over me
I can hardly breathe
You no longer need me
I'm just sorry I found out late
but all the choices I Made I thought of me
And not how it'd be to watch you walk away
I know I'll never make it right
but everyday I try In hopes you might come back you're where my heart's at I have to find a way
And everytime I think of you It's hard for me to think of what I can do
I used to have you here beside me
I just want you here beside me baby
How can the sun keep shinin'
When my whole body's cryin
I know I never told you why I need you in my life
by kristine mirelle

Today:
absent school again.
the cause migraine.
i freakingly hate it. i miss my friends badly.
i miss my GFs badly. i miss you badly. i miss everyone badly.
i miss secondary 3 badly. i miss disgusting friend badly. i miss my handphone ringing lately.
so my head keep on banging. stress lately. undergoing depression. with problems been adding up.
i have no one to talk to. i stuck here alone. thats okay i can do; yes dinah you can.
so watched mimpi manis. taro and desi so sweet. i mean really. ignore my sinetro freaking-ness towards it.
"stop, kau mencuri hati ku hati kuuu" haha. that phrase that phrase oh so remembrance.
dangdut. yes. mimpi manis making me smile.weird so ignore.
so mummy and daddy asked me to audition in singapore idols.
i went ARE YOU CRAZY. well something might fall and hit their head or something.
me auditoning in spore idol? no way. and with my N level coming. neh.
i will never. singing in front of everyone aint my cup of tea.
my sister want me to join. but neh i wont.
My sister planned when she reach the age of 16 she'll be joining singing contest.
wth. she so brave. i aint that. ignore that.

today im suppose to meet up with bee and zimah. i couldnt go. my head is killing me.
i want to study with bee. i love her & miss her okay!
soon i will get to be tutored by her. muahaha.
thank you bee for everything. sayang kamu.
tomorrow, dance practice. hopefully i'll be alot happier and cheerful.
hopefully migraine go far far away.
today's plan. finish up art and study for biology test; human sexual reproduction.
haha. think dirty eyy.
i bet boys excel in that test. boys will be boys.
thats all in my head now.
i could think any further.

p/s. i miss you so much
i dont care if you dont miss me.
im just saying this.

You're holding me and I close my eyes
You're whispering, and I start to cry You feel so good, so beautiful
For as long as you live don't let me go
Just hold me, touch me, feel me
As long as you love me, reach for me and need me
If you could trust me, and teach me, never let go of me
Becasue you're half of me, my heart still beats

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?
You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day
I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
Something that I feel I need to say

But up to now I’ve always been afraid That you would never come around And still I want to put this out You say you’ve got the most respect for me But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day
i love you.-love.
i have no doubts about my feelings no more.
do you?

BEST FRIENDS.