DEFINE LOVE, PLEASE
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Photobucket Dinah Syaza
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Quirky.
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Monday, March 16, 2009, 9:26 AM
untitled

ONE WISH :LOVE
Emotions & stuff.
im not myself lately.
& yes,
people seeing me happy & smiling.
But in my mind;
am i really happy?
or am i just putting on the freaking okay face?
Its just a fighting war in me.
I want to be free.
its that really over.
come on dinah!
wheres is the changing dinah ive said?
where where where?
bloody me.
i keep falling for your thousand thorny roses.
*stop me if you heard it before.
things had change lately.
Migraines appearing now and then.
CB.
it freakingly stop during the starting of 2008.
& now it appears again.
& every now and then i banged my head on walls.
my momma said that i do not have enough sleep & lately ive not been eating well.
NOT EATING WELL?!
momma; have you gone blind or what?!
ive been eating ALOT lah momma.
at camp; its like the first time i ate the whole box finish.
& everywhere i go i need food.
serious.
my cadet mates will all go hitting their head seeing me eat.
I dont know.
Brain tumor or something?!
neh.Cb dinah.

now;
im afraid of things.
things i couldnt control any longer.
Im losing grib of my own self.
why? i thought im standing strong.
i thought it was all over.
i thought i could already free myself.
shish dinah.
praying things will go by faster.
Its like puzzle.
behind every piece of the puzzle;
there will be the hardness in solving it.
& i know im yet to solve it.
i know im not even near to solving it.
everytime i was about to solve it; something/some one smashed it.
Carry on; dinah.
I cant take it any longer, really.
Dinah dinah, what happen.
Go away feelings Go!
Deedee;
rebounding.

SO;
i spend the whole day sleeping.
i know i know like pig.
but dont blame me.
i do not have enough sleep lately.
From the camp & stuff.
I tried erasing my panda & dark circle eyes i gained.
i failed.haha.
i dont bother no more.
& i ate the WHOLE PACKET of whole meal bread.
Sial; i know.
Im addicted to bread; esp wholemeal ones.
& today momma cook ayam masak merah.
Sedap giler.
& im freakingly addicted to Cadburry Hot chocolate Drink.
TRY IT.
serious.
i licked the whole cup.
((:
Today was bore.
Bore was today.
i wished to go out.
but i couldnt bare to drag my feet out the house.
Talk to my baby; hetty & my busuk; Sasha.
& had small conversation with my Digusting friend too.
BORING DAYY.
Tomorow going out with Besty Abdul hafiz & SDK and others.
Abdul force me to follow them to go movies.
Watching The Race To The Witch Mountains.
YAY!
so im going because of the movie.
haha. And abdul wanting to treat me(:
smile.thanks abdul.
I still owe you alot of things(: & im sorry i told her about the thing i shouldnt tell.
REALLY. terlepas.
so im looking ahead for tomorrow outing.
im sorry hetty i couldnt tag you in rebonding your hair.
really.
& bee for not able to meet you up.
i miss you people alot.

so whats the use of everything in what we say. When what you say literally dont meant a thing. Thought that the person say the fact and truth all this while. Relying on them and one day the person trash you at the side just to be with a better outter person. Why sometime you think life couldnt be fair. Instead things went other way round. you are chasing it but people smashing it. blocking it. and you are neglected by the side hoping you can have the same opportunity as the Better person while the better person had better opportunity already and the the person you rely on giving Better person more opportunity. Its hurtful to see others need to deal with it. I feel like taking knife and just stabbing the person instead knowing that they crush all of love ones down. notes who had been crushed: Stand up & prove them wrong*insert smile. yes. i know im just ordinary girl. But i got feelings and thoughts of my own. really. sometime life is unfair get over with it. it is just random really.




TO sasha: i miss you hell;
i want to chill with you more.
Yesterday; at my crib was a total awesome GILER sia.
my stomach had cramps in laughing to syiq nye kebodohan.
i love you pantat busuk!
thanks for listening & tolerating.

To hetty: love talking to you.
I MISS you HELL alot.
Meet you soon kaes!
more talks yay!
whatever happens;
stand up strong & let go of it.
Be who you are;
know that you are SUPER AWESOME.
SPECIAL IN WHAT YOU ARE.
people see you differently is sucky.
so forget about it.
those you brought you down again and again is a total CB.
thanks baby for everything.
forget about everything and think what is best for ya'
& i'll always stand by you to catch you when you are falling.
LATE NIGHT TALKS ARE LOVED(:
waffle ice cream weeeeee.

TO digusting friend:
knowing you have already move on.
laid a happy & relive feeling for me.
babyboy; stay strong with her.
Needs time & more trust.
dont assume things larh.
i knocked your bloody head sia.
TOP up & CALL me.
haha.thanks for always wasting your prepaid on me.
things has change for us.
Hope our friendship stays forever.

To BEE:
geram geram geram:)
i miss you darl'
meet you soon(:
i promise.

TO MR.A.SHINODA.:
im telling you the truth now.
i aint the one who is chatting with ya yesterday.
it was me & sasha & syiq.
GUESS what mr. gatal.
Sedar sikit diri ayte.
I would kill myself for liking you.
knowing you ever with some one im super close with before.
even if you are not with her before, i still wont go for you
with that kind of freaking fishcake behaviour.
& bloody hell hurt her you still want me after a chat?!
Bloody Woman Desperado!
hey. you hurt her larh eyy.
the number i gave is sasha's
& all the msges are read by sasha.
Eeew you have disgusting character on ya'
thats why keep complaining you are alone.
& bloody emo crap.
Emo shits everytime
LIES & STORIES.
keep things straight larh eyy.
Why keep things so over and out?
Make album and shits.
who would believe.
Tell you truth i treat you as abg but now the ABG is gone thing.
Perangai.
i now regard you as a desperado
whoever comes in your way; you grab.
playboy shit.
please eh. come to your senses.
YESTERDAY chat shined your true colours.
take care FRIEND.
away you go.
I know im harsh. but its gone over the top.
im sorry.
please wake up.


"Say you're sorry
that face of an angel
comes out just when you need it to
and I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
holding on
and days drag on
stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known
I'M not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one You'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Maybe I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
and never really had a chance
my mistake I didnt know to be in love
you had to fight to be the upper hand
I had so many dreams
about you and me
happy endings
now I know
I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one You'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone Someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town there in my rearview mirror Disappearing now
Now its too late for you and your white horse, oh it's to late for you and your white horse, to catch me now"
taylor swift-white horse.

p.s i really miss you.
i realised im nothing.


Its hurts when we risk our heart & it ends up being broken
But what hurts more is when we still hold on when we already know we are waiting for nothing.

3.30am
currently: tuning to smash into you by beyonce
believe in happy endings;not.
sleepless nights.

ended;
big love?
still waiting?
open up.