Just for your entertainment.

I was so sure i am making effort to change; at least.
i love the idea of making a fresh start .
Its hard.
Maybe people cannot understand why.
when i myself dont know why.
But ive made my final decision to become a better human being(:
i aint good these days.
i felt i've been spending way more time outside with friends then being at home with my family.
& when i say i want to be alot more sure what im doing;
im not sure at all.
im just not in the right mind. its super weird.
i got my sleepless nights back.
try to eat sleeping pills?
fish you!
i dont know.
i cant sleep at night.
I want to have more positivity in me;
but when night falls,
i felt lonely again.
i just crave things that i usually dont.
I started to miss the past.
or just kept on thinking & thinking.
i started to stare at the ceiling.
i swear i tried to imagine sheeps.
Then shoes,
homeworks,
just to count them & make me fell asleep.
but shit.
it doesnt work at all.
any healthy solution?
& i kept looking at my handphone;
wondering when i will get to change it.
daddy; pleassseeeeeee?
& then i will start tuning in songs.
songs that got stuck to my brain.
songs that has its own meaning & memories of its own.
make me all feeling; damn i wish i could rewind time.
or damn i wish i could make things alot better.
Questions in mind.
that can be answered and yet could not.
crying?
somehow;
i use to cry too much.
now i just feel numb.
but torn
weird
its like a blend of feeling nothing & hurt at the same time.
shish.
-_- i dont understand myself.
what can i do?
im going where ever the wind blow me to.
i now feel more forgiving.
im trying to be more caring & hardworking.
for example;
i shall now put back the dishes myself after i eat during recess time rather then asking rafidah or yani to carry it for me.
they help me alot(: thanks baybeh.
i miss SECONDARY 3 school days.
really.
anak supardi also.
2008 memories hit me back & hard
it was a fun year.
anyways.
im just SCRUBBING THE STAIN OFF ME.
the stain he left.
it is not fading off at all.
it just set on me never wanting to fade away.
CB.
its hard.
but i know one day finally i can do it with a smile on my face.
i put smile & laughter every single day.
I MUST.
why why why why why.
i shouldnt have known right away; rights?
bloody stupid me.
again?! im demoralizing myself.
SO; stop dinah.
or siti beyonce.
haha-_- random larh deng.
so yet im here wanting to become a better earthlings & go green or something;
change everything to a better me.
& i couldnt get a step further or just take one step foward.
something i holding me back.
& i dont know what is it.
im trying my fullest.
my heart just cant go on.
im breatheless.
love; dee.
am i still thinking of you; after all that has happen?

TODAY:
i had a nice chat with ANAK supardi; lily astria binte supardi.
if you guys dont know whats her real name.
i miss her.
& thats the fact.
i dont care anymore what people say;
sister lurp or shit stuff.
i just do miss her.
is that wrong?
people does make mistakes.
i forgived her long time ago.
if i ever hurt her; please forgive me.
but the talk we had was down to earth.
we laughed.
i shared few feelings of mine to her.
to my suprise;
she give me a good advice & take it nicely(:
she shared her's too.
well; we are friends for sure now.
hope to chat we her again soon.

DIGUSTING FRIEND:
YOU ARE BLOODY DIGUSTING.
jantan sial.
LOL!.
-_-'
anyway thanks for taking me books on ITE courses.
helpful friend you are(:
& hope things goes smoothly with you & her.
*smiles
JANGAN BANGGA EH MEMBER!?!

btw rafidah; EAT YOUR MEDICINE.

so today was cold & wet.
i love the cold.
the tingle wingle feeling again.
(:
calms me so much much.

p.s i read the reader's digest
about people having peanut allergies;
it shocks me & caught my eyes at the page because pictures of SCRUMPTIOUS PEANUTS-_-
food; i would say always attracts my attention.
anyway; people with peanut allergies;
are advice to eat MORE peanuts.
sial funny.
scientist researched it.
so wth.
EAT MORE PEANUTS(:
acts of random.

biology & physics test
fish cake dip with sambal betul!
biology i love.
but you tell you guys honestly;
i cant memorize; acpt about the parts of the plants,
reproduction stuff.
bullshit lah; about plant-_-
who wants to know.
its about human poeple curious about, righhhttt (:?
eew.
haha.
PHYSICS?! i suck at it. so i tried to study,
but instead i drew on my mind map some cute people & smileys on it.
then i start folding it to aeroplanes and shoot it around my study area.
my mum was like having the " you better pick it up" face.
i smiled WIDELY.
& today again was cold.
i am shivering shivering.

HAHA.
GOOD LUCK NURUL FARAHIN BINTE MUHD ZAIN.
for kranji idol singing soloist auditions.
i am there to support you.
with banner & FAN CHOY maybe egg sandwich at my hands.
cause im not eating rice with my favourite chicken & kangkong tomorow just for you.
SWEEEEEET kannnnn.
i love you babe.
may go bless you

miss:
SASHA
HABIBAH
SDK esp SYIQY
YASIN
ILYAS
LILY
GRANDMA&PA
COUSINS; esp the only hott cousin i have.

MY PAST
MY DEAD HAMSTERS;(
SWIMMING.
EATING siol(sheol) GARDEN -mind the spelling.
MY PRIMARY SCHOOL WEIRD TIMES(:

11.50pm
9 march 09
Currently: smiling & studying for test.
tuning in to Winner by Chris brown
i love me.

take care love ones.

ezlink ezlink mana lah kamu menghilang diri dari penjaga mu yang baik ini?
rindu ezlink card walaupun muka ezlink mcm ibarat monyet dilanggar kereta.
(: